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Breaking up with Busyness

Breaking up with busyness

September is National Self-Care month. Self-care is not about massages and manicures but about doing the things that help you operate at your best self. For me, that means breaking up with busyness. For the last several months, I have been busy with no results. The things that I invest time in has not brought fulfillment. The things that my busyness is taking away from is falling by the wayside. This month I decided to self-care I need to stop being busy and do the things that are going to bring fulfillment.

Psalm 62:1 (NIV) Truly, my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him.

What I knew

I was taught, “idle hands are the devils’ playground.” It has stuck with me throughout my life. Still busying myself with a task, some meaningful and some meaningless.  Then, I became a mother and applied that to my children. Signing them up for classes, keeping their weekly calendar full with outings, play dates and activities.  Teaching them that they should always have something to do and not allowing them to have the time of rest or leisure. After rereading the story of Mary and Martha I came to an epiphanie- “I need to break up with busyness.”

Luke 10:41-42 (NIV) “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” 

For the first time in my adult life, I wanted to be a “Mary.” Previously, I took pride in the fact that I was an exceptional multitasker and exemplary at time management.  I realized slowing down and taking time to “be still” was an admirable trait.

Why is Busyness Applauded?

Many people are always on the go until they reach exhaustion.  Busyness is considered tremendous, and stillness is deemed to be lazy.  When we are still, we can hear God, be closer to Him, and use His guidance.

Mark 6:31-32 (NIV)
31 Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.”32 So they went away by themselves in a boat to a solitary place.

Are we valuing our relationships?

Being busy also keeps us from having meaningful relationships with others.  We are so wrapped up in the go-go; we aren’t fostering our communities and fellowship, which is very important.

Hebrews 10:24–25

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and ball the more as you see the Day drawing near.

Are we meaningful and present in our significant relationships, like our spouse or children? Are we filling our time and presence with stuff and activities? Is it worth the stress and isolation to be task-oriented?

Three Ways I plan to break up with Busyness

  1. Say “No” more. I often say, “yes” before even thinking of how it will add or take away value from my life.  I plan on saying, “Not Yet” and “No” more and see if the situation or task will take away from my life.
  2. Get over FOMO. I often say, “Yes” because I don’t want to miss out on anything. I have always been like that but I am starting to realize that I don’t have to be part of everything and that is okay. Age brings you the wisdom I guess.
  3. Knowing my Why.  If I stayed focused on the “why” I am doing something than “what” I am doing will either have more or less meaning. Being rooted in my “why” will help me discern of the things that are meant for me.

My “Aha” Moment

The story of Mary and Martha was an epiphany for me. I discovered I wanted to fellowship, devote more time to God and my family and friends.  Have a more meaningful and present relationship with the people in my life.  It gave me permission that I needed to slow down and reduce so that I could be more like Mary. When I am planning for my children now, it’s memorable experiences versus expertise in activities. I spend quality time in the Word, with my husband daily, my family, my dog and my stress level are low.  I am living the “Mary” lifestyle and enjoying the moments instead of calculating my time. So, the last part of the year I am going to be doing less and enjoying more. This life was not meant to cram as much as we can into every hour but to enjoy every hour that we have. That’s the plan let’s see if I stick with it.

Does busy equal important? Which would you prefer the “Mary” or “Martha” lifestyle?

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christian mom christianity Faith Journey Family raising family

We Left the World

Flash Back Friday calls for a post that was originally published June 2015!  Through our faith we have managed to find a steady foundation for our family to  stand. We have lost some friends, gained some and opened our eyes to a new life in Christ.  Together as a family we work steadfast to be a light for God in all we do. Although, we may fail we are no longer living in the world that we once were.

I have not always been a mother fueled by her faith. Not long ago, I was a mother trying to raise two little girls to be the best they could be in this lost world.  We were living in the world. We were believers but we didn’t have a relationship with God. We would say our goodnight prayers but that was about all I had taught my children about God.

As our family grew from just one little girl to two little girls and then three. A yearning of fullfillment plagued me. Living in the world was no longer satisfying. I needed more purpose, more substance, I needed God in my everyday life. My life changed from needing God in my life; to wanting God in my life. Once my mindset changed life how I knew it quickly transformed.

One day, I decided that praying for God to be apart of my families life wasn’t going to cut it. We needed fellowship, praise and education. I began searching for a church to attend. It didn’t take me long because God already had a home for me.

Guided by Him I went to church one Sunday which was different for me because I was raised to attend church on Saturday. Although, I was raised different everything felt so right.

During the last worship song the Holy Spirit took over. I was filled with overwhelming joy. Then, I felt the Holy Spirit tell me clearly “you are home”.  That was the beginning of my family leaving the world and beginning to serve Christ.

My daughter’s love our Church and participate and serve wherever they can. I too serve in the Children’s Ministry and attend small groups and Bible study. I have made fast friends and had some deep connection with some women. My husband is also more faithful and leads our family everyday in prayer before we go our separate ways.

It’s all so amazing what God has done in our lives. My husband once said, “we used to have a happy home but now our home is filled with pure joy.” The difference is uncanny and hard to describe unless you’ve experienced it. My marriage is stronger than ever and I now feel that I am living in purpose instead of day to day. This journey that my family is on through God’s grace is only getting started.

Colossians 3:2 “Set your mind on things above not on earthly things.”

How did you bring your family to Christ? Were you always a Christian family or did you make come from living in the world too?

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Battle of Motherhood christian mom christianity Faith Journey Family

Modesty doesn’t define faith

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“You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.” Matthew 5:13

This is typically not the Bible verse used when discussing the way Christian women should dress. I think that since we are representing ourselves within society that it could appropriately be considered as part of what God calls us to do. He appointed us to be the means of preventing or curing the growth of that corruption which prevails in the world, and of seasoning people’s minds with wisdom and grace.* Typically, when discussing the way women should dress;
1 Timothy 2:9-10 (NIV) 9 I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, 10 but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.

I could go on and on about how literal some people take this verse without doing their research. Paul the apostle, had no problem with jewelry or dressing nicely. He was referring to women dressing like the non believing women of his time and how they dressed, more specifically Roman women of the time. 

I grew up in a very legalistic religion that had a doctrine for all the different facets of life. It took this verse by verbatim to define the way women should dress.  When I became a young adult I left my faith for a variety of reasons.  As a rebellion my modesty was one of the first identities of the world that I adorned.  I got my ears pierced and would wear obnoxiously large Cubic Zirconia that sparkled from miles away.  Plastered my face with way to much makeup (one thing was because I could; The other, I did not know how to properly apply it.) I bought midriff, form fitting, low cut tops; (that was the criteria: must be form fitting, low cut, midriffs.) Way to short, shorts and skirts. Now that I have been born again, I have a yearning to represent Christ.  A struggle I have is finding a suitable definition of modesty.

1 Corinthians 12:23 (NIV)  and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty,

Modesty

I was raised that to be modest you need to be covered from your neck to your ankle, preferably in a skirt; (definitely when attending church) but not required. Makeup, jewelry, and fancy hairstyles were not acceptable or appropriate.  That lead me to do research of a new definition of modesty. In the last week, I have read conservative to liberal Christian perspectives. Observing other Christians, people in my church and leaders as well as celebrity public Christian personalities.  Then, I had a conversation with a sister in Christ on the issue of bathing suits at the beach, which led me to this post. After reading some strong opinions and fear based views. I turned to the source the Bible and Bible commentaries. I have a definition of what my family and I will teach my three daughters as being modest or representing Christ.

Godly women can be fashionable and attractive and I don’t mean sexually attractive. I mean the dictionaries definition of having beneficial qualities or features that induce someone to accept what is being offered. What is being offered in our case is the truth of Christ. This doesn’t mean that we should be dress for other peoples approval. That we are not sloppy or frumpy and take care of our appearance. I do believe modesty is something which families need to take a very close, careful, prayerful look at for themselves.  Then determine to be a woman after God’s own heart and what that would outwardly look like to represent their inward beliefs. “Your clothing should be tight enough to show that you’re a woman, but loose enough to show that you’re a lady!”

Even if you dress the part doesn’t mean that you have a corner on truth. It’s possible to have a modest outward appearance while having the immodest heart of (critical, self-righteous, and judgmental towards those who do not see things the way you do).

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1 Timothy 4:12 (NIV) Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.

Showing grace to everyone no matter what they appear to look like. Whether, you are wearing tank tops, shorts, skirts, dresses, and a bathing suit. Yes, my daughter wear bathing suits, to the pool or beach, I just don’t feel a bikini is essential to them becoming faster swimmers. Respect your body, your family and most important honor God in all that you do including what you wear.

Do you feel that modesty has an effect on your faith?

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Faith Journey

“Fear Based” vs. Grace Based” Parenting

Now that I look back I feel that my parents did the best that they could.  A lot of their parenting were to create fear so that I would not have to endure some of the hardships they experienced due to their own mistakes. As parents we want our children to better than us and try to lead them in the right direction.

We love our children so much and we don’t want them to succumb to the world so we do the best we can to keep them away. We teach our children John 3:16 NLT “For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. Sometimes being interpreted as we have follow Jesus not the world and those who do are bad or evil. We often forget about John 3:17 NLT God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him.

Fear and judgement is pervasive and condemning and does not create an attitude of love. My understanding is that we are to be disciples and follow God’s way which is loving, graceful and inclusive not exclusivity and discriminant.

We are surrounded by the lost and as Christians we are here to be a light for God. You can’t be a light for someone else if you are to busy putting out there light to let your own shine; by condemning or judging their behavior, conduct or appearance. Even if there actions are offensive we should be graceful. Rather than looking at what we don’t like or want for our family maybe we should see how we can teach or grow from these situations or circumstances. Maybe we can to teach our children how to be disciples of Christ to that “bad influence” instead of the “steer clear” attitude.The only way that we can do that for our children is to be that example.

Our job is to teach our children to love God and love others. We have to remember Mark 12:30-31 NLT 30 And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength. 31 The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.” Showing our incredible love for God that overflows to our incredible love for other people. We can teach our children how to be good disciples.

“Grace Based Parenting” it is defined as treating your kids as God’s treat His-with grace. There is a fine balance between teaching them to Fear the world and using legalistic standards of parenting; and total abandonment of the foundation of God by becoming so accepting that you do not create a environment for your children that sets a standard of how to live. Every situation needs checks and balances.

Think of what John 1:14 (NLT) 14 So the Word became human and made his home among us. He was full of unfailing love and faithfulness.And we have seen his glory, the glory of the Father’s one and only Son.  You must have grace but still stick to God’s truth. They go hand in hand. By being a walking reflection of God’s love will condition your children to act within those limits.  Without feeling that by falling short of His grace that the love is conditional on living beyond a level that is attainable.

Try to remember to be graceful with your love because if it wasn’t for God’s grace we would be in trouble. With all the dumb things as adults that we do and the fact that He still loves us. We can cut our children a little slack and strive to be just as graceful. Yes, teach your children about the Bible; set a acceptable living standard but reinforce it with grace.

I would define the difference of a “Grace Based” Christian Family as a family that shows God’s heart,a kind family, generous family, shows kindness and love in all that they do, they serve others, most importantly they are humble. The “grace based” Christian family is a loving family that loves and cares for others no matter what or how they live, they care about others and wants the best for others, they improve others quality of living by focusing upwards and outwards versus inward.

I would define  “fear based” Christian family of fearing or being “sin managers”; by making sure that sin stays away from your family. Versus living and growing from situations where we innately fall into sin. If we strive to have Jesus loves for others, be merciful, gentle, and not fault others when they struggle through temptations, nonjudgmental.

Remembering Christ loves ALL no matter their disappointments, short givings.There is victory in Jesus who is the only way that we will overcome sin and grow and learn. When correcting your children do it through love.

 

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Faith Journey Mommie Support

Where are we creating faith in our families?

Where are we creating faith in our families? I ask this question because I heard a sad but not startling statistic which I feel that I was apart of it one point in my life.  69-94% of Christian children raised in the faith leave the faith within 2 years after high school. The number one reason those young adults leave is due to “hypocrisy”. I was one of those young adults. I was raised in a very Christian religious home but when I went off to my Christian college about the middle of my freshmen year I left my faith and sought out my spiritual guidance in the world (and got very lost for 13 years).

 

I was apart of the ”drug problem” that most families subject on their children. I was “drug” to church every week to dress up and show up but never having that same experience at home through study or prayer. My family was Monday-Friday sinners and weekend Christians. When it came to having my own freedom to choose I chose the world and not to my faith. Now that I am an adult and very faithful I don’t want the same for my children. I want my three daughters to live a life for Christ for the rest of their life so I was again researching how do I break the cycle.

Where do I create faith? I found an answer through a parenting bible study by Tim Kimmel Raising Kids with Faith that Lasts. This lead me to the word Deuteronomy 6:1-2 (NLT) “These are the commands, decrees, and regulations that the Lord your God commanded me to teach you. You must obey them in the land you are about to enter and occupy, 2 and you and your children and grandchildren must fear the Lord your God as long as you live. If you obey all his decrees and commands, you will enjoy a long life. There is one true God and we are called to live in a loving relationship with God.

Now when you are in love, everyone knows it. Not only is it written all over your face, your acts but it’s all that you can talk about.  As we live our lives as Christian parents are we showing our love for God? Children are very observant and they pick up quick the easiest way to see if you’re expressing your love is to ask your children?  They will tell you right away. So, ask them Who is Mommy in love with? If they are to little you’re in luck you can now start everyday showing your child the love affair that you have with our Lord. They will never know anything different and just like the little sponges that they are they too will be in love.

We as Christian parents must encompass being a Christian as an identity something that cannot be separated with us.  This is where our children’s faith begin. Deuteronomy 6:6-8 (NLT)  6 And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today.7 Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. 8 Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders.9 Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. 

I think sometimes we rely on the Church to teach our children because we feel ill equipped but we have more than enough tools to set the foundation of faith for your children.  Be in love with God every single day. Talk about him at home. Show it when you go about your day. Pray with your children, study with them, and show them the love. Do all these things and then also go to church.  This will foster the relationship add fellowship and reinforce the things that you learn and study at home.  Faith cannot be taught to our children it must be caught, similar to a cold. Infect your family with faith and love.

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