Tag: children

Categories
Faith Journey faithfueled friday Family

Understanding God’s Love

Psalm 127:3 (NIV) “Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him.”

He Gives Us Real-Life Examples

Sometimes, I wonder does God give us children to understand His frustrations, unconditional love, empathy, and desire for more than we want for ourselves. I can remember my mother telling me, “I can’t wait till you have children of your own.” Of course, it wasn’t until I had children of my own; I could understand her perspective.

Reminders in the Word

When reading the word, I sometimes relate to motherhood. It is something that is a part of my identity and that I can easily relate and understand. For example, my children’s selective hearing. I will tell my daughter specific instructions, at which she will do something entirely different or my favorite, nothing at all. Then, it ends up messed up, and I either have to help her or tell her again. Then by “GODcidence”, I am reading Jonah how God told him to flee Ninevah.

[“Cliff Notes” version, although Jonah is a very short yet powerful chapter in the Bible] He does his own thing deliberately disobeying God and sets out for Tarshish (for those new to the story which is thousands of miles in a different direction). Jonah ends up in the belly of a big fish (aka whale). God the Father delivers Jonah and again tells his hard headed child to go to Ninevah and deliver a message.

Jonah 3:1-2 (NIV) “Then the word of the Lord came to Jonah a second time: 2 “Go to the great city of Nineveh and proclaim to it the message I give you.”

As I am reading this, of course, I think “man Jonah sounds like my daughters’.” There is a difference, though; our God has so much more compassion and patience than I. He is slow to anger (which I am working/praying on).

More than I deserve

Jonah 4:2, 4-5 (NIV) 2 “He prayed to the Lord, “Isn’t this what I said, Lord, when I was still at home? That is what I tried to forestall by fleeing to Tarshish. I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity.

4 But the Lord replied, “Is it right for you to be angry?”5 Jonah had gone out and sat down at a place east of the city. There he made himself a shelter, sat in its shade and waited to see what would happen to the city.”

It even angered Jonah to think after all he had done God still provided. Even though Jonah had no right to be angry, God still provided Him shade from the sun. Just like when my twelve-year-old gets mad at me for doing what’s right for her but not the way she wanted me to. Doesn’t make me stop loving or caring for her. I am her mother, who still loves her and will always do anything to provide.I sometimes sit back thinking I am so undeserving of His grace. God reminds me of the grace and unconditional love through my girls. Comparing God’s love to a mother’s love is the only way I can make sense of His unwavering love.

None Like Him

Now, I know the story of Jonah is not about how to love your children, rather obey the Lord and to forgive everyone. Comparing it to my kids helps me gain perspective. (Since, coming back to my faith I have found several different applications of the story of Jonah.) There is no man that would give their Son for me much like how I would give up everything for my girls, (which “Godcidentally” God has given me them too). I am grateful for my Heavenly Father’s unconditional love and although sometimes I feel I am not worth it or don’t like how things are done. At the end of the day, He loves me for who I am, and that will never change.

What helps you understand God’s love?

Share
Pin
Share
0 Shares
Categories
Children christian mom Family

Teens and Money

Parenting is getting real, hard!

This school year has been a huge transition for the Bolton’ family. My husband and I are transitioning from parents of littles to parents of biggins and our roles as parents are expounding. We are no longer caring for our children’s safety and teaching them the laws of the land.  We now have to deal with another set of issues such as other children, social cues, independence, and responsibility.

It’s hard raising children in this world that are grateful and aren’t entitled.  I feel that children are handed a lot of things that we had to earn.  Tomorrow my in between diva will be nine and my twelve years old will be thirteen in April.  We are at a point especially with my twelve-year-old that we are asking to go beyond our at home playdates. We want to go places, do things and spend money.

Creating entitle diva’s

This is becoming a serious problem in my house, and I have complained about it before but like anything without consistency and follow through my best efforts have been without success. That just means I need a readjustment right? Well, I am starting to realize that as I affectionately call my daughters’ ill diva’s which I intend it to mean (Divine Inspired Virtuous and Anointed) sometimes they are actually what pop culture would refer to high maintenance lil women.  I have no one to blame but myself.  I have been a stay at home mom for going on 13 years. I have catered to the two of my girls every whim leaving them with little to no responsibilities. Although, I have taught them gratitude they often have to be reminded and can be entitled.

Since I was the one who created this poor work ethic and these little girls who “believing they are inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment” without any labor.  My aha moment as I was folding my nine-year-olds (who if I remember my childhood correctly was a skill I had mastered by this age). It dawned on me, these girls need more responsibilities and need to earn their keep. It was either a brilliant idea or my way of lessening my load, but I needed a better chore management system, maybe an app?

We need a solution

In a few weeks, I will have both a nine-year-old and thirteen-year-old. As we approach the lil diva’s Birthday’s, I am starting to see the need to give my girls more responsibility.  At this age, the focus is no longer taking as much care of these independent souls and more teaching them skills to use in life.

At least once a week my husband Ed and I admit we have no clue to what we are doing and this parenting thing has reached a climax. It’s gotten real hard now, the solutions to the problems are more thought provoking and creativity is a necessary.  I am not an expert parent, I know there are those who claim to be out there, and I am very grateful the next generation has a few experts raising them because I know I fail daily.

Benefits of Showing Kid’s Financial Responsibility

Last year, we explored a new app to make chores seem more enjoyable and easily monitored by me without nagging. Well, Homey App (Check out my Original review of Homey App) has revamped and given us parents, even more, option.

I know it’s been a year so let me give you a basic breakdown of what Homey App used to do and what they do now?|

 

Parents Capabilities:

  • Create a household name and password.
  • Invite your family members to join and set up an account with family members names, pictures/avatars, and passwords.
  • Once that is all setup then you (the parent) can start assigning chores and value.
  • You can take a picture of their messy room and create as detailed of a description of what you expect from them to complete the task.

How it works now?

I love the new upgrades that Homey App has made it now has:

  • An allowance management functions teaching children the value of labor and future life skills.
  • Create savings goals for your child whether they be a short term want like going skating or a long term goal an electronic or game.  It helps them see their effort and their money accumulating.
  • You can transfer money! Say what? I don’t even have to got to the ATM to remember allowance. I am an online shopper and use my debit card often. I have bank accounts set up for the girls (not Mimi yet which is a reminder poor third child) and the difference between paying them in cash and going directly to their bank.  They collect interest at the bank, and they will be more likely to use it wisely if it’s not in their hands.

Chore Management Upgrades

Some of the things I suggested before are now available, YAY!

  • I like the reward/deduction feature.
  • Skip chores
  •  undo completed tasks in case they weren’t done up to standards
  • can add or take away points and coins
  • add photos of the child’s rewards that they are seeking to earn
  • edit templates that Homey App has available for you and make them your customer chore pack
  • You can also change the family dynamics too. However, they fit your household for example Grandparents raising children or other family members that aren’t the child’s biological parents..


The free version of  Homey App is still available, but this new premium feature will have a subscription fee which covers the bank transfer fees and compliance to enhance your capabilities. You should give this a try for yourself.  We have been using it for a few weeks, and it has made the enthusiasm and reminder for my nine-year-old of her compensation for effort.  She gets points my oldest receives coins and now knows what she needs to do to go to special places with friends.  Now if I am consistent this just may be what the Bolton’s need.

Right now, if you register for Homey Premium, you get a complimentary trial of all the features.  This is a great trial to check out all the features and customize it to work for your family.  Creating an environment that not only encourages good work ethic but gives my lil diva’s some financial responsibility and management skills I think that’s a good thing. If you’re interested go visit my peeps at Homey App and find out more information.

What do you think?

 

Share
Pin
Share
0 Shares
Categories
Battle of Motherhood christian mom christianity Faith Journey Family

Modesty doesn’t define faith

picture-2

“You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.” Matthew 5:13

This is typically not the Bible verse used when discussing the way Christian women should dress. I think that since we are representing ourselves within society that it could appropriately be considered as part of what God calls us to do. He appointed us to be the means of preventing or curing the growth of that corruption which prevails in the world, and of seasoning people’s minds with wisdom and grace.* Typically, when discussing the way women should dress;
1 Timothy 2:9-10 (NIV) 9 I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, 10 but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.

I could go on and on about how literal some people take this verse without doing their research. Paul the apostle, had no problem with jewelry or dressing nicely. He was referring to women dressing like the non believing women of his time and how they dressed, more specifically Roman women of the time. 

I grew up in a very legalistic religion that had a doctrine for all the different facets of life. It took this verse by verbatim to define the way women should dress.  When I became a young adult I left my faith for a variety of reasons.  As a rebellion my modesty was one of the first identities of the world that I adorned.  I got my ears pierced and would wear obnoxiously large Cubic Zirconia that sparkled from miles away.  Plastered my face with way to much makeup (one thing was because I could; The other, I did not know how to properly apply it.) I bought midriff, form fitting, low cut tops; (that was the criteria: must be form fitting, low cut, midriffs.) Way to short, shorts and skirts. Now that I have been born again, I have a yearning to represent Christ.  A struggle I have is finding a suitable definition of modesty.

1 Corinthians 12:23 (NIV)  and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty,

Modesty

I was raised that to be modest you need to be covered from your neck to your ankle, preferably in a skirt; (definitely when attending church) but not required. Makeup, jewelry, and fancy hairstyles were not acceptable or appropriate.  That lead me to do research of a new definition of modesty. In the last week, I have read conservative to liberal Christian perspectives. Observing other Christians, people in my church and leaders as well as celebrity public Christian personalities.  Then, I had a conversation with a sister in Christ on the issue of bathing suits at the beach, which led me to this post. After reading some strong opinions and fear based views. I turned to the source the Bible and Bible commentaries. I have a definition of what my family and I will teach my three daughters as being modest or representing Christ.

Godly women can be fashionable and attractive and I don’t mean sexually attractive. I mean the dictionaries definition of having beneficial qualities or features that induce someone to accept what is being offered. What is being offered in our case is the truth of Christ. This doesn’t mean that we should be dress for other peoples approval. That we are not sloppy or frumpy and take care of our appearance. I do believe modesty is something which families need to take a very close, careful, prayerful look at for themselves.  Then determine to be a woman after God’s own heart and what that would outwardly look like to represent their inward beliefs. “Your clothing should be tight enough to show that you’re a woman, but loose enough to show that you’re a lady!”

Even if you dress the part doesn’t mean that you have a corner on truth. It’s possible to have a modest outward appearance while having the immodest heart of (critical, self-righteous, and judgmental towards those who do not see things the way you do).

v0_ni74a79cyu

1 Timothy 4:12 (NIV) Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.

Showing grace to everyone no matter what they appear to look like. Whether, you are wearing tank tops, shorts, skirts, dresses, and a bathing suit. Yes, my daughter wear bathing suits, to the pool or beach, I just don’t feel a bikini is essential to them becoming faster swimmers. Respect your body, your family and most important honor God in all that you do including what you wear.

Do you feel that modesty has an effect on your faith?

Share
Pin
Share
0 Shares
Categories
Faith Journey

“Fear Based” vs. Grace Based” Parenting

Now that I look back I feel that my parents did the best that they could.  A lot of their parenting were to create fear so that I would not have to endure some of the hardships they experienced due to their own mistakes. As parents we want our children to better than us and try to lead them in the right direction.

We love our children so much and we don’t want them to succumb to the world so we do the best we can to keep them away. We teach our children John 3:16 NLT “For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. Sometimes being interpreted as we have follow Jesus not the world and those who do are bad or evil. We often forget about John 3:17 NLT God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him.

Fear and judgement is pervasive and condemning and does not create an attitude of love. My understanding is that we are to be disciples and follow God’s way which is loving, graceful and inclusive not exclusivity and discriminant.

We are surrounded by the lost and as Christians we are here to be a light for God. You can’t be a light for someone else if you are to busy putting out there light to let your own shine; by condemning or judging their behavior, conduct or appearance. Even if there actions are offensive we should be graceful. Rather than looking at what we don’t like or want for our family maybe we should see how we can teach or grow from these situations or circumstances. Maybe we can to teach our children how to be disciples of Christ to that “bad influence” instead of the “steer clear” attitude.The only way that we can do that for our children is to be that example.

Our job is to teach our children to love God and love others. We have to remember Mark 12:30-31 NLT 30 And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength. 31 The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.” Showing our incredible love for God that overflows to our incredible love for other people. We can teach our children how to be good disciples.

“Grace Based Parenting” it is defined as treating your kids as God’s treat His-with grace. There is a fine balance between teaching them to Fear the world and using legalistic standards of parenting; and total abandonment of the foundation of God by becoming so accepting that you do not create a environment for your children that sets a standard of how to live. Every situation needs checks and balances.

Think of what John 1:14 (NLT) 14 So the Word became human and made his home among us. He was full of unfailing love and faithfulness.And we have seen his glory, the glory of the Father’s one and only Son.  You must have grace but still stick to God’s truth. They go hand in hand. By being a walking reflection of God’s love will condition your children to act within those limits.  Without feeling that by falling short of His grace that the love is conditional on living beyond a level that is attainable.

Try to remember to be graceful with your love because if it wasn’t for God’s grace we would be in trouble. With all the dumb things as adults that we do and the fact that He still loves us. We can cut our children a little slack and strive to be just as graceful. Yes, teach your children about the Bible; set a acceptable living standard but reinforce it with grace.

I would define the difference of a “Grace Based” Christian Family as a family that shows God’s heart,a kind family, generous family, shows kindness and love in all that they do, they serve others, most importantly they are humble. The “grace based” Christian family is a loving family that loves and cares for others no matter what or how they live, they care about others and wants the best for others, they improve others quality of living by focusing upwards and outwards versus inward.

I would define  “fear based” Christian family of fearing or being “sin managers”; by making sure that sin stays away from your family. Versus living and growing from situations where we innately fall into sin. If we strive to have Jesus loves for others, be merciful, gentle, and not fault others when they struggle through temptations, nonjudgmental.

Remembering Christ loves ALL no matter their disappointments, short givings.There is victory in Jesus who is the only way that we will overcome sin and grow and learn. When correcting your children do it through love.

 

Share
Pin
Share
0 Shares
Categories
Faith Journey Mommie Support

Where are we creating faith in our families?

Where are we creating faith in our families? I ask this question because I heard a sad but not startling statistic which I feel that I was apart of it one point in my life.  69-94% of Christian children raised in the faith leave the faith within 2 years after high school. The number one reason those young adults leave is due to “hypocrisy”. I was one of those young adults. I was raised in a very Christian religious home but when I went off to my Christian college about the middle of my freshmen year I left my faith and sought out my spiritual guidance in the world (and got very lost for 13 years).

 

I was apart of the ”drug problem” that most families subject on their children. I was “drug” to church every week to dress up and show up but never having that same experience at home through study or prayer. My family was Monday-Friday sinners and weekend Christians. When it came to having my own freedom to choose I chose the world and not to my faith. Now that I am an adult and very faithful I don’t want the same for my children. I want my three daughters to live a life for Christ for the rest of their life so I was again researching how do I break the cycle.

Where do I create faith? I found an answer through a parenting bible study by Tim Kimmel Raising Kids with Faith that Lasts. This lead me to the word Deuteronomy 6:1-2 (NLT) “These are the commands, decrees, and regulations that the Lord your God commanded me to teach you. You must obey them in the land you are about to enter and occupy, 2 and you and your children and grandchildren must fear the Lord your God as long as you live. If you obey all his decrees and commands, you will enjoy a long life. There is one true God and we are called to live in a loving relationship with God.

Now when you are in love, everyone knows it. Not only is it written all over your face, your acts but it’s all that you can talk about.  As we live our lives as Christian parents are we showing our love for God? Children are very observant and they pick up quick the easiest way to see if you’re expressing your love is to ask your children?  They will tell you right away. So, ask them Who is Mommy in love with? If they are to little you’re in luck you can now start everyday showing your child the love affair that you have with our Lord. They will never know anything different and just like the little sponges that they are they too will be in love.

We as Christian parents must encompass being a Christian as an identity something that cannot be separated with us.  This is where our children’s faith begin. Deuteronomy 6:6-8 (NLT)  6 And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today.7 Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. 8 Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders.9 Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. 

I think sometimes we rely on the Church to teach our children because we feel ill equipped but we have more than enough tools to set the foundation of faith for your children.  Be in love with God every single day. Talk about him at home. Show it when you go about your day. Pray with your children, study with them, and show them the love. Do all these things and then also go to church.  This will foster the relationship add fellowship and reinforce the things that you learn and study at home.  Faith cannot be taught to our children it must be caught, similar to a cold. Infect your family with faith and love.

Share
Pin
Share
0 Shares