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christian mom Faith Journey

Grace in Loss

 

Learning something new

Every time I think that I have this Christian walk thing figured out God gives me another challenge to master. Not that I think that I could be perfect and walk like Jesus, but I make a conscious effort to live and abide in Christ. There are so many challenges that I face in my attempts but this one in particular keeps coming up in many different ways. It’s something that is multi-faceted but people seem to pigeon hole in one or two areas; grace.

My understanding of grace is God showing unmerited favor to us in the form of blessings. A pretty generalized idea that can be applied in many situations right? Yes, so with that interpretation I never realized how much grace God really does show us daily. There are the obvious, and there are the not-so-obvious ones that we take for granted and then there are the really big ones.

graceinloss
Different types of grace

1 Corinthians 15: 10 But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them—yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me.

The obvious graces that I recognize and give praise to God daily for: I woke up this morning, food to eat, clothes to wear, home, healthy family, great husband. There are the ones that we take for granted but still are His grace nonetheless. These are the ones that I never praise Him for nor do I recognize as grace but I should and need to work on. The tedious tiresome task of our everyday life is God’s grace too.  For me being a stay at home mom’s those are the ones that I tend to complain about the most. I am grateful for God’s grace I am able to stay at home. I am grateful that although I complain and behave ungratefully; he still shows me favor. Things like laundry, dishes, bathrooms, and kitchen floors (to name a few). These are the ones that I am still trying to master and he is challenging me with everyday.

Then there are the really big ones, those are monumental moments in my life that I can pinpoint the effect His grace had on me. It was by God’s grace that I married my husband. The house that we live in was definitely through His grace and direction.  One that really stands out in my mind lately and I don’t really think I have thoroughly processed is the birth of my third daughter.

 

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Life changing Grace
My youngest one was what would be refer to as an “accident.” We weren’t intentionally planning to conceive her and I was in complete denial that I was pregnant in the beginning. All the signs were there but I was passing them off as other things. Until, I was unbearably sick for days.  So, took the test, came out positive and headed to the doctor. Went through all the general procedure and had an ultrasound to measure the baby. At the ultra sound found out that “Yay! ( a little sarcasm) not only did we accidentally conceive one child but there were two in there.” Have you ever seen the commercial where the dad passes out over learning of triplets? Imagine my husbands face just before he passed out but didn’t actually fall to the ground. I wasn’t exactly thrilled but I was ready for whatever God had given us.

We continued to live life and scheduled another ultrasound appointment 3 weeks later. Still unbelievably sick to the point I had lost 10 pounds in three weeks. Was very weak, tired and couldn’t get much accomplished. Went in with my little sister and soon to be middle daughter for the ultra-sound excited to see how my two lil ones had progressed in the 3 short weeks.  At 11 weeks, I went in for the next ultrasound; Get in, lathered up, after a few swipes the ultrasound tech brow furrows, a few more swipes and she says, “I will be back I have to go talk to the doctor.” Hind sight, I should have known something was wrong but dealing with a curious 5 year old and chatting with my sister I didn’t pay attention.  The doctor comes in,introduces her self and after few swipes regretfully tells me,”I am sorry but “Baby A” no longer has a heart beat.” Seriously, how do you react to something like that? You only have had 3 weeks to process that everything will be multiplied times two and just as quickly as you come to terms with that; you subtract it back down to one.  I am not a very emotional person and I admittedly can be slow some time so it took me a long time to process that, honestly I still am working on it.

pregnancyinfantloss

Ephesians 2:8  For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—.

We left and I had the mommy task of answering lots of questions that I couldn’t answer myself. Got seen by my doctor the next day and she explained to me that it was probably the best thing that “Baby A” didn’t make it. It probably had some “cell abnormalities, defects, they were fraternal so that should have no effect on Baby B, blah blah blah,” doctor talk. The gist is that then I was on bed rest for 6 weeks, lots of doctors appointments to make sure that “Baby B” would be okay. Fast forward 6 months and I had a wonderful, natural delivery of a 7 lb 8 oz. healthy little girl who was perfect in every way. Her name is Milah and she is my happiest child, super intelligent and a weird and funny fact was born with four nipples. We jokingly say in remembrance of her twin but there might be some truth to that we have yet to find out. (Insert twilight zone music now). Through God’s grace he had spared her from her siblings fate and she is now our little happy survivor. Her middle name is Taryn-Grace and every day I am reminded of God’s unmerited favor of  not taking both babies but sparing me one. There are days that I look at her and think, “What if there had been two?” and there are others day that I look at her and think, “What would have I done with two?”

graceinloss

 

Depths of His Grace

Just as God is infinite with His love for us, I find He is even more so with His grace. Every day at every moment we are walking, talking, breathing and basking in His grace. The birth of my daughter was death of me relying on the world, it strengthened my faith and made me the strong Christian woman I am today. That in itself if you knew the path I was on is God’s grace. Seeing this perfect little person that from the very beginning before she even came to us God showed favor. That was more than enough proof that my God is an awesome God.  Every day when I sit and reflect on the grace that He shows me in the obvious, the routine and the really big ones. (Not every day but some days there are those neon light big moments) Where not only He show me faith but glimpse of the immensity of His love for me through His grace.

How has God showed you grace today? Yesterday? In a big way?

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Battle of Motherhood christian mom christianity Faith Journey Family raising family

Breaking up with Busyness

Breaking up with busyness

September is National Self-Care month. Self-care is not about massages and manicures but about doing the things that help you operate at your best self. For me, that means breaking up with busyness. For the last several months, I have been busy with no results. The things that I invest time in has not brought fulfillment. The things that my busyness is taking away from is falling by the wayside. This month I decided to self-care I need to stop being busy and do the things that are going to bring fulfillment.

Psalm 62:1 (NIV) Truly, my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him.

What I knew

I was taught, “idle hands are the devils’ playground.” It has stuck with me throughout my life. Still busying myself with a task, some meaningful and some meaningless.  Then, I became a mother and applied that to my children. Signing them up for classes, keeping their weekly calendar full with outings, play dates and activities.  Teaching them that they should always have something to do and not allowing them to have the time of rest or leisure. After rereading the story of Mary and Martha I came to an epiphanie- “I need to break up with busyness.”

Luke 10:41-42 (NIV) “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” 

For the first time in my adult life, I wanted to be a “Mary.” Previously, I took pride in the fact that I was an exceptional multitasker and exemplary at time management.  I realized slowing down and taking time to “be still” was an admirable trait.

Why is Busyness Applauded?

Many people are always on the go until they reach exhaustion.  Busyness is considered tremendous, and stillness is deemed to be lazy.  When we are still, we can hear God, be closer to Him, and use His guidance.

Mark 6:31-32 (NIV)
31 Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.”32 So they went away by themselves in a boat to a solitary place.

Are we valuing our relationships?

Being busy also keeps us from having meaningful relationships with others.  We are so wrapped up in the go-go; we aren’t fostering our communities and fellowship, which is very important.

Hebrews 10:24–25

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and ball the more as you see the Day drawing near.

Are we meaningful and present in our significant relationships, like our spouse or children? Are we filling our time and presence with stuff and activities? Is it worth the stress and isolation to be task-oriented?

Three Ways I plan to break up with Busyness

  1. Say “No” more. I often say, “yes” before even thinking of how it will add or take away value from my life.  I plan on saying, “Not Yet” and “No” more and see if the situation or task will take away from my life.
  2. Get over FOMO. I often say, “Yes” because I don’t want to miss out on anything. I have always been like that but I am starting to realize that I don’t have to be part of everything and that is okay. Age brings you the wisdom I guess.
  3. Knowing my Why.  If I stayed focused on the “why” I am doing something than “what” I am doing will either have more or less meaning. Being rooted in my “why” will help me discern of the things that are meant for me.

My “Aha” Moment

The story of Mary and Martha was an epiphany for me. I discovered I wanted to fellowship, devote more time to God and my family and friends.  Have a more meaningful and present relationship with the people in my life.  It gave me permission that I needed to slow down and reduce so that I could be more like Mary. When I am planning for my children now, it’s memorable experiences versus expertise in activities. I spend quality time in the Word, with my husband daily, my family, my dog and my stress level are low.  I am living the “Mary” lifestyle and enjoying the moments instead of calculating my time. So, the last part of the year I am going to be doing less and enjoying more. This life was not meant to cram as much as we can into every hour but to enjoy every hour that we have. That’s the plan let’s see if I stick with it.

Does busy equal important? Which would you prefer the “Mary” or “Martha” lifestyle?

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Through the Seasons

Reflecting back I realized what I’ve been through; how I got through; is why I am who I am today. When I was in school, my professor asked, “In ten years from now do you think that you are going to have the same belief system and values? Or, are you pretty much going to remain the same? Two of us said, “No” the majority of the class said, “Yes, the would have the same beliefs and values.” I was one of the two who said, “No.”

I know that I will value and believe some of the same things in 10 years, but I don’t think I could be the same. You get older, wiser, have more to value or a better definition of what it is and then I thought back to who I was ten years ago. That girl and this woman do not have the same values.

Apparently, I have a conviction and a strong belief in God now which I didn’t have before. I wasn’t always a Jesus Girl. The same enthusiasm I have for my faith I had in living in the world. I was a party girl searching for peace and comfort in all the wrong places and things. I was living daily anxious and frustrated, and then I tried something different. It happens we grow up, and we experience life and the seasons and looking back I have to say that through the seasons I have learned a few things that I will keep through the next ten years and hope to add more:

Season of Trust

There was a season that my family went through that we had nothing but to rely on and trust in God to get us through. When I say nothing, I mean that very literally “we had nothing.” Everything had been stripped from us along with our pride and humility.  I like to say, “we ran as far as the world could take us.” Living like the “Jones‘” left us at our rock bottom.  Only then did we begin to trust in God how we should with total and complete confidence because we didn’t have anything other option.

Looking back it was that “Fix it Jesus” mentality like, “Okay, Lord I’ve done everything that I could do. I’ve messed everything up, and I could use your help to bail me out.” Like the kind, good Father that He is He not only delivered us but that reliance and trust in Him brought my family into an intimate relationship with God. It was when we became FaithFueled.

Season of Be Still

Through God’s mercy we began to rebound, but then God started to prune another area in my temple; obedience.  God sat me down, shut me up, and through devotion, Bible study, prayer, and worship taught me to wait on God.Through much persistence, God asked me to “Be Still.” I was speaking with a good friend one day, and she said something that made me think of this season.

Before Jesus kept the 12 disciples very close to Him before He would be crucified and then send them out into the world to evangelize.  During my season of stillness, all I had was to take care of my family and dive headfirst into the Word. I studied inductively, attended Bible Study I submerged myself in the Word and learned so much about “learning the Bible.” It is now how I study daily, and I feel crucial in my daily walk with God.  I look back on those two years and remember being ungrateful for the season of rest and God continually reminding me it was but a moment.  Hindsight 20/20 because I don’t think I’d have the stamina for that season. It’s also when I was very depressed and abused food for comfort. Then I learned about prayer.

Season of Prayer

Everyone knows how to pray.  There’s all kind of prayers: rehearsed prayers you say for grace or your kids know, “fix it Jesus” prayers, “genie” prayers, and then there’s prayer.  Having an intimate conversation opening your heart to God with your gratitude and appeal. At the time, of course, I didn’t realize the power of prayer.  I knew praying was talking to God but until I started journaling, researching and doing some heavy praying; it’s all that people say and more.  Like anything you have to practice the skill often and do it often in this case-pray often or (“Pray without ceasing,” 1 Thess 5;16)

I used to be one of those people who say, I’m praying for you and honestly, didn’t always do it. Then I started reading, praying and reading more and praying more and learned. Praying for someone is the easier yet most powerful thing you can do for a person.

If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.” Matthew 21:22

Now, if I say I am praying for you if I don’t do it that moment which I usually do because it only takes a moment. We waste our time on so many other things taking 2-3 minutes to pray for a friend, family, peace; strength isn’t much.  When you journal or track them and realize that God is busier than you think because He does answer.  I have a journal and a prayer box.

Boxing it all Up

My journal idea came from a friend, Antracia Mooring who writes on her blog Unfolding Words.  I adopted the approach and journal often, (not daily I’m working on that” and looking back on answered prayers is such an uplifting feeling.  Then my prayer box came from a friend and mentored introduced me to the idea of putting my prayers in a box and then giving it to God.  Well, I went through that box, and the amount of answered prayers was so confirming. All but one had been answered at the moment and some I had forgotten.  It made me appreciate my season even more.

 

I think God likes to surprise us like we want to give to do for our kids or loved ones.  We do those things for the look of excitement on their face and the joy.  When we’re blessed with an answered prayer, I don’t know about you, but I jump around dancing and singing like a child who just got a surprise.  Its unexpected out of the blue and nothing that I have expected that’s when I know, “Yep, God that was you and thank you!” I have grown in patience and intimacy with God through this season and continue to glean from it.

Season of Focus & Legacy

I am now in a season of focus it’s what was my “word” for 2016 and has carried on into 2017. With all that has fone on this year (College, Started working after 12 years of staying at home, three daughters and Prepping for my first Figure Competition). I need to remember moment by moment to focus on God first and foremost and let Him lead me through the rest. This year in prayer and different conversations and signs the word “legacy” has presented itself.  With all life busyness, I don’t have much hindsight about this season as of yet, but I have been learning some new “skills” for strengthening my focus and will probably be sharing my journey. Regardless of what season looks like; doing life with God has made it worth every trial and triumph.

“Set your eyes on the things above and not the things of this earth.” Colossians 3:2

When looking back do you see a theme to your seasons in life?

 

Original Post 1.16.17 updated

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Faith & Self Care Faith Journey Fitness Fitness and Health Weightloss Journey

Not an Overnight Success: 7 things I’ve learned on my journey to lose 80 lbs.

I can’t believe that it has been another year. It seems both fast and long. For last years anniversary post check it out here! Two years seem like a long time but looking back it has flown. I started this blog three years ago as a Christian Mom Blog I didn’t know what I was doing then, and I still don’t know what “Christian Mom Blog” means but it has evolved over the last two years it has become a faith and fitness blog.

August 4, 2015

Devise your strategy, but it will be thwarted; propose your plan, but it will not stand, for God is with us. Isaiah 8:10

Two years today after trying on my own to figure out this daunting weight loss thing joined an online exercise program   It was exactly what I needed to get started a plan and some guidance. She also encouraged her members to take pictures to show progress, and I am grateful for those to look back at and see my progress. I would have never thought to do that. At the time I hated the idea, and the cost of a gym so, at home workouts worked for me. I also said that I would “never work out at a gym again,” haha.

Fast Forward

Fast forward two years and what I thought was going to be a temporary fix; I was going to get real skinny quick. Little did I know not only was I going to “get skinny” but it was going to be a roller coaster of highs and lows expectations and disappointments and an internal journey as well. It hasn’t all been bad.

Blessed through the Journey

This has also given me the opportunity to have fun adventures like working out with celebrity trainers and trying all kinds of new equipment, supplements, and tools.

 

Never Say Never

I am teaching group fitness classes at 5 am in the morning which I never imagined I would be up and moving at 5 am much less teaching other people too. I told my friend who kept referring me that I would never do group fitness and now that I have I absolutely love it.

A passion ignited

I am 10 weeks away from obtaining my degree in Fitness and Exercise Science, and I am working at an amazing gym (which I also said that I would never do; “work at a gym)”. I am learning so much from a great group of passionate trainers.

FaithFueled is a Lifestyle

Honoring my temple has now become my way of life how I live my life. The choices I make how I plan my day involves my mental space, health, exercise and healthy eating.

More than just a weight loss journey

I started on Periscope and Instagram just sharing about my journey which turned into a 30-day personal prayer challenge that I gave myself to honor my temple.  Those 30 days completely changed my perspective of how I can use God in my life. I had always put boundaries and limits on what I could pray.

Change in Purpose

I didn’t think God cared if I wanted to be skinny or not but through my prayers and devotion my want to be skinny changed for want to be healthy both including spiritually, physically and medically.  It gave me a passion for honoring my temple meaning what I put into it, how I treat it, who I involve in my emotional life and I went to the Bible for the lead in everything.

Stronger Together

I had a relationship with Christ before this journey but the peace I and intimacy that I never knew I craved has been met and continues to grow through this journey. When you turn to God for the little things you begin to turn to Him for everything and having a daily passionate relationship with God has been more fulfilling than being skinny or lifting a weight. The most exciting part of this journey is that I pray every day that I can be a light and bring glory to God through all that I do.

Humbled to be used

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God–this is your true and proper worship. Romans 12:1

God has shown me in the last two year many women and some men that I have inspired through my journey. I am humbled and honored to serve God through fitness. It is amazing that in two years I have been able to change and transform and it is really truly because of God that I am where I am today. So, today I am celebrating the day that literally changed the course of my life. I can honestly say that I would not be where I am today. So, this is my physical change in the last two years Year to date, but I don’t think you can take a picture for the internal change this experience has had on my family and myself.

The things I have learned in two years

  1. Give it to God first don’t try to do it yourself you’ll save time and stress.
  2. Be consistent even if you don’t see progress.
  3. If it isn’t working try something different you don’t have to stick with the thing you started.
  4. Yes, food is important not only what you eat but how and when you eat it!
  5. Discipline is needed and accountability
  6. Regardless what stage you’re at love and appreciate where you are right now while you are working towards what you want and always remember your Why!
  7. The only fix is your mindset that quick and easy doesn’t cut it hard work is worth the reward.

What’s Next?

I now have a new goal to compete in a Fitness competition.  Similar to weight loss, the mental is hard, the workouts are hard, and the food is the worse. I want to quit from day to day, and the highs and lows are the same but I know I have the victory. It will take more time than I want but I will get there just like I got here.

Work in Progress

There is a lot I still have yet to learn and work on if not physically then spiritually and emotionally. By no means am I even finished I like to think of it as just getting started on the next chapter, and I am excited to see what is written. If I could leave anyone with any advice is if you haven’t started, start today because it’s just another step closer to your goals. Remember it takes time so give yourself

time!

How can I help you start your journey or encourage you?

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Faith & Self Care Faith Journey Weightloss Journey

Progress in Action

When was the last time you admired yourself in the mirror? When have you showed your self love? Gazed in the mirror and saw God’s beautiful creation. I find that we use the mirror incorrectly. Instead of finding why we are special we are critiquing why we don’t live up to some fictionalized standard. It is so easy to get overly critical of our appearance, character, actions, and habits; Especially when we are not meeting our expectations of what we should.

self love

My Mirror Avoidance

Throughout my weight loss journey, my vanity and worldly views would steal my joy.  Looking back now that I am mental, spiritually and physically happy I realize this is a big problem for lots of people.  Hindsight is always crystal clear.  I would consider myself pretty confident, but I let the enemies whispers of self-hate and conditional love ring in my ear.  Believing these lies just didn’t feel right.

Psalms 139:14, “I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.”

self love

Has this always been?

I am the oldest of six children in a blended family; four girls and two boys. My mother was a great example of loving who you are for what you are. I always remember her encouraging us to love ourselves. Physically I have always been thin, physically active, overachiever who did not shy away from anything.

When I got pregnant with my first daughter, I gained 95 pounds; who knew eating for two was just an expression? (Not I) It took me a while, but I lost the weight and got back to myself. Then, I had my second daughter elated and educated I tried not to make the same mistakes. Eighty-five pounds later I got back on that horse again and worked off the weight. Next, was baby girl number 3; I was determined to gain the recommended weight, walked, ate right and I did a little better only a measly 75 pounds.

This time around getting back on that horse has not been a smooth ride. When I reached a year postpartum, I was still carrying that baby (weight), still exercising, eating right but to no results. So, like most overachievers for the and last year I have been working harder and beating myself up for only losing 5 pounds or whatever number.

1 Thessalonian 1:1 To this end also we pray for you always, that our God will count you worthy of your calling, and fulfill every desire for goodness and the work of faith with power

self love

Going back to bad habits
Then, I did the obvious but sometimes second nature to me. I have the bad habit of thinking I can solve problems on my own.  I prayed about it; it’s funny how I know I have no control yet, I still think I have some control. After praying daily for God’s guidance and strength, he answered almost immediately and led me to people who could help me, Scriptures that could encourage me, and a devotional that could guide me.  Just add the personal trainer to the list of the alpha and omega. It took me six months till I felt myself coming back.

Psalm 30:1-2 I will exalt you, Lord, for you lifted me out of the depths and did not let my enemies gloat over me.2 Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me.

 

Proverbs 16:3 (NIV) “Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established.”

Getting over self made hangups

I think my biggest issue I have and am constantly needed reminders and refocus is asking God for help in everything. Remembering how much He loves me for who I am right now today and not who I will be in the future. He doesn’t stop loving me because of what I did in the past, what I look like today. Even the small insignificant things that I feel wouldn’t matter to Him I must come to Him. If they matter to me, they matter to Him, and I should seek Him in all things. Once I got over my insecurities, relied on God’s strength and had faith in His sovereignty; my life became better, my mind got better, my insecurities dissipate, and I now can shine His light to others who felt as I once did. I now want to invite the love of Jesus to others and share the gift of self-love that He has given me.

What do you see in your mirror’s reflection? How can God help you know what you are looking?

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