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Breaking up with Busyness

Breaking up with busyness

September is National Self-Care month. Self-care is not about massages and manicures but about doing the things that help you operate at your best self. For me, that means breaking up with busyness. For the last several months, I have been busy with no results. The things that I invest time in has not brought fulfillment. The things that my busyness is taking away from is falling by the wayside. This month I decided to self-care I need to stop being busy and do the things that are going to bring fulfillment.

Psalm 62:1 (NIV) Truly, my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him.

What I knew

I was taught, “idle hands are the devils’ playground.” It has stuck with me throughout my life. Still busying myself with a task, some meaningful and some meaningless.  Then, I became a mother and applied that to my children. Signing them up for classes, keeping their weekly calendar full with outings, play dates and activities.  Teaching them that they should always have something to do and not allowing them to have the time of rest or leisure. After rereading the story of Mary and Martha I came to an epiphanie- “I need to break up with busyness.”

Luke 10:41-42 (NIV) “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” 

For the first time in my adult life, I wanted to be a “Mary.” Previously, I took pride in the fact that I was an exceptional multitasker and exemplary at time management.  I realized slowing down and taking time to “be still” was an admirable trait.

Why is Busyness Applauded?

Many people are always on the go until they reach exhaustion.  Busyness is considered tremendous, and stillness is deemed to be lazy.  When we are still, we can hear God, be closer to Him, and use His guidance.

Mark 6:31-32 (NIV)
31 Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.”32 So they went away by themselves in a boat to a solitary place.

Are we valuing our relationships?

Being busy also keeps us from having meaningful relationships with others.  We are so wrapped up in the go-go; we aren’t fostering our communities and fellowship, which is very important.

Hebrews 10:24–25

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and ball the more as you see the Day drawing near.

Are we meaningful and present in our significant relationships, like our spouse or children? Are we filling our time and presence with stuff and activities? Is it worth the stress and isolation to be task-oriented?

Three Ways I plan to break up with Busyness

  1. Say “No” more. I often say, “yes” before even thinking of how it will add or take away value from my life.  I plan on saying, “Not Yet” and “No” more and see if the situation or task will take away from my life.
  2. Get over FOMO. I often say, “Yes” because I don’t want to miss out on anything. I have always been like that but I am starting to realize that I don’t have to be part of everything and that is okay. Age brings you the wisdom I guess.
  3. Knowing my Why.  If I stayed focused on the “why” I am doing something than “what” I am doing will either have more or less meaning. Being rooted in my “why” will help me discern of the things that are meant for me.

My “Aha” Moment

The story of Mary and Martha was an epiphany for me. I discovered I wanted to fellowship, devote more time to God and my family and friends.  Have a more meaningful and present relationship with the people in my life.  It gave me permission that I needed to slow down and reduce so that I could be more like Mary. When I am planning for my children now, it’s memorable experiences versus expertise in activities. I spend quality time in the Word, with my husband daily, my family, my dog and my stress level are low.  I am living the “Mary” lifestyle and enjoying the moments instead of calculating my time. So, the last part of the year I am going to be doing less and enjoying more. This life was not meant to cram as much as we can into every hour but to enjoy every hour that we have. That’s the plan let’s see if I stick with it.

Does busy equal important? Which would you prefer the “Mary” or “Martha” lifestyle?

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Faith & Self Care Faith Journey Weightloss Journey

Progress in Action

When was the last time you admired yourself in the mirror? When have you showed your self love? Gazed in the mirror and saw God’s beautiful creation. I find that we use the mirror incorrectly. Instead of finding why we are special we are critiquing why we don’t live up to some fictionalized standard. It is so easy to get overly critical of our appearance, character, actions, and habits; Especially when we are not meeting our expectations of what we should.

self love

My Mirror Avoidance

Throughout my weight loss journey, my vanity and worldly views would steal my joy.  Looking back now that I am mental, spiritually and physically happy I realize this is a big problem for lots of people.  Hindsight is always crystal clear.  I would consider myself pretty confident, but I let the enemies whispers of self-hate and conditional love ring in my ear.  Believing these lies just didn’t feel right.

Psalms 139:14, “I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.”

self love

Has this always been?

I am the oldest of six children in a blended family; four girls and two boys. My mother was a great example of loving who you are for what you are. I always remember her encouraging us to love ourselves. Physically I have always been thin, physically active, overachiever who did not shy away from anything.

When I got pregnant with my first daughter, I gained 95 pounds; who knew eating for two was just an expression? (Not I) It took me a while, but I lost the weight and got back to myself. Then, I had my second daughter elated and educated I tried not to make the same mistakes. Eighty-five pounds later I got back on that horse again and worked off the weight. Next, was baby girl number 3; I was determined to gain the recommended weight, walked, ate right and I did a little better only a measly 75 pounds.

This time around getting back on that horse has not been a smooth ride. When I reached a year postpartum, I was still carrying that baby (weight), still exercising, eating right but to no results. So, like most overachievers for the and last year I have been working harder and beating myself up for only losing 5 pounds or whatever number.

1 Thessalonian 1:1 To this end also we pray for you always, that our God will count you worthy of your calling, and fulfill every desire for goodness and the work of faith with power

self love

Going back to bad habits
Then, I did the obvious but sometimes second nature to me. I have the bad habit of thinking I can solve problems on my own.  I prayed about it; it’s funny how I know I have no control yet, I still think I have some control. After praying daily for God’s guidance and strength, he answered almost immediately and led me to people who could help me, Scriptures that could encourage me, and a devotional that could guide me.  Just add the personal trainer to the list of the alpha and omega. It took me six months till I felt myself coming back.

Psalm 30:1-2 I will exalt you, Lord, for you lifted me out of the depths and did not let my enemies gloat over me.2 Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me.

 

Proverbs 16:3 (NIV) “Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established.”

Getting over self made hangups

I think my biggest issue I have and am constantly needed reminders and refocus is asking God for help in everything. Remembering how much He loves me for who I am right now today and not who I will be in the future. He doesn’t stop loving me because of what I did in the past, what I look like today. Even the small insignificant things that I feel wouldn’t matter to Him I must come to Him. If they matter to me, they matter to Him, and I should seek Him in all things. Once I got over my insecurities, relied on God’s strength and had faith in His sovereignty; my life became better, my mind got better, my insecurities dissipate, and I now can shine His light to others who felt as I once did. I now want to invite the love of Jesus to others and share the gift of self-love that He has given me.

What do you see in your mirror’s reflection? How can God help you know what you are looking?

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Faith Journey faithfueled friday Family

Understanding God’s Love

Psalm 127:3 (NIV) “Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him.”

He Gives Us Real-Life Examples

Sometimes, I wonder does God give us children to understand His frustrations, unconditional love, empathy, and desire for more than we want for ourselves. I can remember my mother telling me, “I can’t wait till you have children of your own.” Of course, it wasn’t until I had children of my own; I could understand her perspective.

Reminders in the Word

When reading the word, I sometimes relate to motherhood. It is something that is a part of my identity and that I can easily relate and understand. For example, my children’s selective hearing. I will tell my daughter specific instructions, at which she will do something entirely different or my favorite, nothing at all. Then, it ends up messed up, and I either have to help her or tell her again. Then by “GODcidence”, I am reading Jonah how God told him to flee Ninevah.

[“Cliff Notes” version, although Jonah is a very short yet powerful chapter in the Bible] He does his own thing deliberately disobeying God and sets out for Tarshish (for those new to the story which is thousands of miles in a different direction). Jonah ends up in the belly of a big fish (aka whale). God the Father delivers Jonah and again tells his hard headed child to go to Ninevah and deliver a message.

Jonah 3:1-2 (NIV) “Then the word of the Lord came to Jonah a second time: 2 “Go to the great city of Nineveh and proclaim to it the message I give you.”

As I am reading this, of course, I think “man Jonah sounds like my daughters’.” There is a difference, though; our God has so much more compassion and patience than I. He is slow to anger (which I am working/praying on).

More than I deserve

Jonah 4:2, 4-5 (NIV) 2 “He prayed to the Lord, “Isn’t this what I said, Lord, when I was still at home? That is what I tried to forestall by fleeing to Tarshish. I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity.

4 But the Lord replied, “Is it right for you to be angry?”5 Jonah had gone out and sat down at a place east of the city. There he made himself a shelter, sat in its shade and waited to see what would happen to the city.”

It even angered Jonah to think after all he had done God still provided. Even though Jonah had no right to be angry, God still provided Him shade from the sun. Just like when my twelve-year-old gets mad at me for doing what’s right for her but not the way she wanted me to. Doesn’t make me stop loving or caring for her. I am her mother, who still loves her and will always do anything to provide.I sometimes sit back thinking I am so undeserving of His grace. God reminds me of the grace and unconditional love through my girls. Comparing God’s love to a mother’s love is the only way I can make sense of His unwavering love.

None Like Him

Now, I know the story of Jonah is not about how to love your children, rather obey the Lord and to forgive everyone. Comparing it to my kids helps me gain perspective. (Since, coming back to my faith I have found several different applications of the story of Jonah.) There is no man that would give their Son for me much like how I would give up everything for my girls, (which “Godcidentally” God has given me them too). I am grateful for my Heavenly Father’s unconditional love and although sometimes I feel I am not worth it or don’t like how things are done. At the end of the day, He loves me for who I am, and that will never change.

What helps you understand God’s love?

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christian mom christianity Faith Journey Family raising family

We Left the World

Flash Back Friday calls for a post that was originally published June 2015!  Through our faith we have managed to find a steady foundation for our family to  stand. We have lost some friends, gained some and opened our eyes to a new life in Christ.  Together as a family we work steadfast to be a light for God in all we do. Although, we may fail we are no longer living in the world that we once were.

I have not always been a mother fueled by her faith. Not long ago, I was a mother trying to raise two little girls to be the best they could be in this lost world.  We were living in the world. We were believers but we didn’t have a relationship with God. We would say our goodnight prayers but that was about all I had taught my children about God.

As our family grew from just one little girl to two little girls and then three. A yearning of fullfillment plagued me. Living in the world was no longer satisfying. I needed more purpose, more substance, I needed God in my everyday life. My life changed from needing God in my life; to wanting God in my life. Once my mindset changed life how I knew it quickly transformed.

One day, I decided that praying for God to be apart of my families life wasn’t going to cut it. We needed fellowship, praise and education. I began searching for a church to attend. It didn’t take me long because God already had a home for me.

Guided by Him I went to church one Sunday which was different for me because I was raised to attend church on Saturday. Although, I was raised different everything felt so right.

During the last worship song the Holy Spirit took over. I was filled with overwhelming joy. Then, I felt the Holy Spirit tell me clearly “you are home”.  That was the beginning of my family leaving the world and beginning to serve Christ.

My daughter’s love our Church and participate and serve wherever they can. I too serve in the Children’s Ministry and attend small groups and Bible study. I have made fast friends and had some deep connection with some women. My husband is also more faithful and leads our family everyday in prayer before we go our separate ways.

It’s all so amazing what God has done in our lives. My husband once said, “we used to have a happy home but now our home is filled with pure joy.” The difference is uncanny and hard to describe unless you’ve experienced it. My marriage is stronger than ever and I now feel that I am living in purpose instead of day to day. This journey that my family is on through God’s grace is only getting started.

Colossians 3:2 “Set your mind on things above not on earthly things.”

How did you bring your family to Christ? Were you always a Christian family or did you make come from living in the world too?

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Family Marriage

4 Ways Praying for My Deployed Husband Helps Our Marriage

I want to introduce Elaine Sinott a devouted women of God, mother and wife.  We met through Social Media and after reading her blog Military Wife After God I knew that she needed to share on FaithFueled Mom!  February will be our Family First February month and Elaine is a great example of just that. Our military families make such a sacrifice for our freedom. I am so grateful for their services and the support of their family!

 

I recently learned through the Unveiled Wife’s devotionals Wife After God: Drawing Closer to God & Your Husband and 31 Prayers for My Husband: Seeing God Move in His Heart the extreme importance in praying for your husband. These devotionals (which I HIGHLY recommend-they truly changed my life!) taught me that praying for your husband not only has an incredible impact on him as a person but also for your marriage!

The 4 things I learned from praying for my husband daily are:

  1. It has helped me to see him through God’s eyes. Praying daily for my husband has softened my heart towards him and has helped me to let go of things in the past that have been hurtful. It has helped me to begin to see him through our Heavenly Father’s eyes meaning I am much more willing to choose love over anger and I am willing to extend grace. It has helped me to learn how to forgive, that I should be quick to forgive when I am hurt because God does that exact thing for us over and over! And it has taught me the importance of forgiveness in marriage! When you forgive your spouse, and begin to see him through God’s eyes, you learn true intimacy.
  2. It has helped my marriage significantly! Yes, believe it or not, it has made a difference in our marriage even through a deployment! Imagine the changes that can happen when your husband is next to your every day! (I cannot wait until he’s home for me to experience that feeling J) I have noticed that our conversations are much calmer, loving, and attentive towards each other throughout this deployment (probably because my anxiety has been almost non-existent since I began a relationship with our Heavenly Father!). When he is upset about something, I am more attentive to how it makes him feel and I’m less concerned about myself (something I wish I would’ve known for our last two deployments as well). When he is excited about something, I’m more attentive to why it makes him happy and I share in that joy with him! We have truly grown closer despite the 6,000 miles between us!
  3. It has taught me to RESPECT my husband! Respect for men is like the need to feel loved for women – our husbands need respect to thrive! They need it to be happy in life, every day. When a man is not respected, resentment builds and it will be difficult for him to be in tune you’re your needs. What does respecting your husband mean? It means letting go of the sarcastic comments. It means letting go of the things you think he is doing “wrong” if he isn’t doing them your way (my mistake there-correcting him too many times when taking care of the kids!) It means listening to him. It means trusting in his decisions and supporting him. It means not gossiping about your husband. You are your husband’s partner in life and he is yours – your job is to build each other up, not tear each other down. I have learned how to truly respect my husband with my words and my actions and it has made a world of a difference in our marriage.
  4. It has taught me to become more intimate with him! Intimacy is often thought of as a sexual thing but intimacy actually means “making yourself known.” Praying daily for my husband has taught me to step out of my comfort zone and talk to him about things we never used to talk about enough, like God and our feelings. We talked a little about them but after becoming closer to God this past fall for the first time in my life, I have learned a whole new level of communication with my husband and it’s been AWESOME! We don’t hold anything back, there are no questions about anything. We’re honest and open with each other about every little thing. Communication is ridiculously important in a military marriage especially, as you can imagine, because that is all we have for months at a time. This whole new level of intimacy with my husband has been the start of something beautiful! Prayer has such power – you won’t realize it until you try!

Being your husband’s wife, your prayers for him are the most powerful. God wants nothing more than for your marriage to be centered around Him. And He promises when two or more gather in His name, He is there with you! What a beautiful and comforting promise our Heavenly Father makes!

One of the most intimate acts you can ever do with your husband is pray WITH him! Sit in your bed together at night before falling asleep, hold hands, and talk to God. Ask Him to bless your marriage – to let His will be done through it! Pray aloud for your husband, ask God to protect him emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally every day. Ask God to help your husband fulfill his duty of being a leader in Christ for you and your family. Ask Him to help your husband be the warrior in Christ he was created to be. And ask God to help you become to wife you want him to be – for you to love your husband the way God wants you to love him and to always forgive and love without conditions.

Praying for your husband can move mountains in your marriage. It can bring healing, understanding, forgiveness, love, security, compassion, kindness, gentleness, joy, and so much more. When you pray for your husband, you invite God into your marriage and, when God is the foundation of your marriage, you and your husband can conquer anything the world throws your way!

Meet Elaine

Elaine Sinnott is a military wife to Luke of 5 years, a mommy to 4 beautiful little boys, and a daughter of God, eager to learn and share what she learns about God’s purpose for marriage! She also wants to help the military wives out there know that they’re never truly alone when the lifestyle seems that way – that God is always with them! She credits the devotional Wife After God: Drawing Closer to God & Your Husband by Jennifer Smith (@UnveiledWife) for changing her life and saving her marriage.

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