grief – FaithFueled™ Mom

Carry the Carry Forward Project is a Virtual 5k raising fund and awareness for the Wounded Warrior Project is a fundraiser that is near and dear to my heart.

For the last ten years around Memorial Day, I think about my little cousin Alex who would be thirty-one years this year, but he was fatally wounded in combat. Ten years ago in my Uncle received news that his oldest son Alex had died in Afghanistan. My entire family still grieves for this loss, especially my Uncle and his siblings. It has particularly haunted my Uncle for the past decade. We will never get over the loss.

Wounded Soldiers

We all miss his radiating smile and dimples. He was always eager to help and a caring big brother—a witty sense of humor and willingness to serve. When Alex joined the army, it was no surprise. He was proud to serve his country. Our family has endured many wounds.

My father, stepfather, aunts, uncles, grandfather, grandmother, and great grandfather all served the United States Military. The duty that soldiers possess for their country. I’ve always found admirable. I look up to so many of these people in my family and am proud of their service for the freedom of our country. Its something they choose to do, which includes sacrifices. Maybe because my father was a soldier and you look up to your father. My grandfather was a distinguished man that also set the example. I have the utmost respect for those who serve our country so that we can practice our freedoms.

Wounded Warrior Project

This year I partnered with “Wounded Warrior Project® (WWP) to help further their extraordinary mission of honoring and empowering wounded warriors! We’re bringing awareness to the WWP Carry Forward® 5K, delivered by CSX®, a powerful and unifying experience that raises mission-critical funds for services and resources for wounded veterans. “This is an opportunity for me to support a cause I learned about two years ago actively.

Last year, I raised funds through my Ms. Muscle and Fitness, where I made it two 6th place with your support. The funds raised during the voting period was to the Wounded Warrior Project. This year I am doing things differently and putting “movement to this mission.” I am passionate about offering veterans services and tools for them to heal from service. It is important to care for those who cared for us.

I carry forward

I was taught about sacrifice and allegiance for our country at a young age. As an adult, I now have deep empathy and compassion for the families of the armed forces. I partnered with the Wounded Warrior Project to participate in a Virtual 5k to bring awareness and recognition to this organization serving our wounded veterans.

I am not a runner, but I do enjoy a run. During COVID 19, I have running to be a great time to reflect. This Virtual 5K was so much different because I was carrying for the people in my family that I have respected and admired. Their allegiances and servitude for the people of our country are admirable, considering the present state. Yet, they serve, and some of them die in honor like my cousin Alex. Others come home wounded not only physically but some mentally, and that is equally debilitating, and their servitude goes unnoticed.

Carry Forward is Unique

Running a 5k carrying weight is a humbling experience, and carrying my almost seventy-pound six-year-old as a representation of our fallen soldiers. I carried a weight to represent the responsibilities veterans carry while serving our country. As I ran, I was brought to tears thinking of the man Alex could have been. It’s a unique and powerful way to honor the brave and heroic women and men who serve our armed forces veterans.

The experience was moving and reflective. I have never run a 5k and had that experience. Its something that you have to do for yourself and you can. I ended the race carrying Mimi to symbolize the responsibilities veterans c while serving our country. I carry for my family, my cousin Alex Hernandez, and other families of veterans of the United States. I encourage and invite you to do the same.

Right now, with coupon code FREEDOM, you can join this movement for FREE and participate in a Virtual 5k!

To join, just click here and share who you are carrying for…let’s recognize these heroes and bring awareness to the Wounded Warrior Project.

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Learning something new

Every time I think that I have this Christian walk thing figured out God gives me another challenge to master. Not that I think that I could be perfect and walk like Jesus, but I make a conscious effort to live and abide in Christ. There are so many challenges that I face in my attempts but this one in particular keeps coming up in many different ways. It’s something that is multi-faceted but people seem to pigeon hole in one or two areas; grace.

My understanding of grace is God showing unmerited favor to us in the form of blessings. A pretty generalized idea that can be applied in many situations right? Yes, so with that interpretation I never realized how much grace God really does show us daily. There are the obvious, and there are the not-so-obvious ones that we take for granted and then there are the really big ones.

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Different types of grace

1 Corinthians 15: ¹⁰But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them—yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me.

The obvious graces that I recognize and give praise to God daily for: I woke up this morning, food to eat, clothes to wear, home, healthy family, great husband. There are the ones that we take for granted but still are His grace nonetheless. These are the ones that I never praise Him for nor do I recognize as grace but I should and need to work on. The tedious tiresome task of our everyday life is God’s grace too. For me being a stay at home mom’s those are the ones that I tend to complain about the most. I am grateful for God’s grace I am able to stay at home. I am grateful that although I complain and behave ungratefully; he still shows me favor. Things like laundry, dishes, bathrooms, and kitchen floors (to name a few). These are the ones that I am still trying to master and he is challenging me with everyday.

Then there are the really big ones, those are monumental moments in my life that I can pinpoint the effect His grace had on me. It was by God’s grace that I married my husband. The house that we live in was definitely through His grace and direction. One that really stands out in my mind lately and I don’t really think I have thoroughly processed is the birth of my third daughter.

Life changing Grace
My youngest one was what would be refer to as an “accident.” We weren’t intentionally planning to conceive her and I was in complete denial that I was pregnant in the beginning. All the signs were there but I was passing them off as other things. Until, I was unbearably sick for days. So, took the test, came out positive and headed to the doctor. Went through all the general procedure and had an ultrasound to measure the baby. At the ultra sound found out that “Yay! ( a little sarcasm) not only did we accidentally conceive one child but there were two in there.” Have you ever seen the commercial where the dad passes out over learning of triplets? Imagine my husbands face just before he passed out but didn’t actually fall to the ground. I wasn’t exactly thrilled but I was ready for whatever God had given us.

We continued to live life and scheduled another ultrasound appointment 3 weeks later. Still unbelievably sick to the point I had lost 10 pounds in three weeks. Was very weak, tired and couldn’t get much accomplished. Went in with my little sister and soon to be middle daughter for the ultra-sound excited to see how my two lil ones had progressed in the 3 short weeks. At 11 weeks, I went in for the next ultrasound; Get in, lathered up, after a few swipes the ultrasound tech brow furrows, a few more swipes and she says, “I will be back I have to go talk to the doctor.” Hind sight, I should have known something was wrong but dealing with a curious 5 year old and chatting with my sister I didn’t pay attention. The doctor comes in,introduces her self and after few swipes regretfully tells me,”I am sorry but “Baby A” no longer has a heart beat.” Seriously, how do you react to something like that? You only have had 3 weeks to process that everything will be multiplied times two and just as quickly as you come to terms with that; you subtract it back down to one. I am not a very emotional person and I admittedly can be slow some time so it took me a long time to process that, honestly I still am working on it.

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Ephesians 2:8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—.

We left and I had the mommy task of answering lots of questions that I couldn’t answer myself. Got seen by my doctor the next day and she explained to me that it was probably the best thing that “Baby A” didn’t make it. It probably had some “cell abnormalities, defects, they were fraternal so that should have no effect on Baby B, blah blah blah,” doctor talk. The gist is that then I was on bed rest for 6 weeks, lots of doctors appointments to make sure that “Baby B” would be okay. Fast forward 6 months and I had a wonderful, natural delivery of a 7 lb 8 oz. healthy little girl who was perfect in every way. Her name is Milah and she is my happiest child, super intelligent and a weird and funny fact was born with four nipples. We jokingly say in remembrance of her twin but there might be some truth to that we have yet to find out. (Insert twilight zone music now). Through God’s grace he had spared her from her siblings fate and she is now our little happy survivor. Her middle name is Taryn-Grace and every day I am reminded of God’s unmerited favor of not taking both babies but sparing me one. There are days that I look at her and think, “What if there had been two?” and there are others day that I look at her and think, “What would have I done with two?”

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Depths of His Grace

Just as God is infinite with His love for us, I find He is even more so with His grace. Every day at every moment we are walking, talking, breathing and basking in His grace. The birth of my daughter was death of me relying on the world, it strengthened my faith and made me the strong Christian woman I am today. That in itself if you knew the path I was on is God’s grace. Seeing this perfect little person that from the very beginning before she even came to us God showed favor. That was more than enough proof that my God is an awesome God. Every day when I sit and reflect on the grace that He shows me in the obvious, the routine and the really big ones. (Not every day but some days there are those neon light big moments) Where not only He show me faith but glimpse of the immensity of His love for me through His grace.

How has God showed you grace today? Yesterday? In a big way?

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